Emotional Education: Insights into the Brain and the Vital Role of School

by Claudio Mochi, MA, RP, RPT-S™

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What is emotional education? Is it possible to generate positive change by focusing attention on emotions? Can school activities be oriented in a way that cultivates respect, kindness, and empathy? Would it be worthwhile to introduce substantial changes to the way we interpret school and teaching? You probably already have an opinion about emotional education at school and have heard about how the brain develops. Follow me through a few lines of reasoning and see whether anything shifts your perspective, changes the weight you give this topic, or confirms your current views.

Emotional Education and the Brain: Let’s Start From the End

Emotional experiences are the ones that carry the greatest weight in shaping and influencing the structure and functioning of our brain, and they are communicated primarily unconsciously and non-verbally. Now let’s rewind and proceed gradually by recalling the statement of one of the scientists who studied human development most closely: Allan Schore. He argues that the most important discovery in history was documenting that our genome develops according to social experiences occurring during critical periods.

All the processes we are involved in are mediated by our neural system, which develops and structures itself based on our experiences. We are the result of what we live. This characteristic makes us potentially extremely adaptable to the environment in which we grow up and, at the same time, vulnerable. If the environment in which we mature does not offer the positive experiences necessary for our growth, we are deeply affected by it. Based on this information, what do you believe is the main function of school education?

We Are the Result of the (Emotional) Experiences We Have

Having established that the development of our brain, our abilities, and our well-being depend on the experiences we live, it is important to highlight that those with the greatest influence are relational in nature. Scientific research shows, in fact, that brain development takes place within a relationship with another brain. Among these experiences, the most impactful are early ones and those with an emotional connotation. In other words:

the most significant aspect for our growth and well-being is the quality of our attachment relationship and, therefore, the emotional relationship we have with our primary caregiver.

Early experiences are crucial for the development of cognitive functions, emotional regulation, social skills, and intentional behavior. Even though they have a markedly greater impact than any life event, throughout our entire existence social interactions—and especially relationships with an emotional component—shape the structure and functions of our brain.

If we imagine our brain as a house, early emotional experiences represent the foundation, and every later emotional experience becomes the material used to build the entire structure. If we consider the importance of emotional experiences for our well-being, we must equate them to the same value of solid walls and floors in a house. Focusing on the quality of emotional relationships is not a luxury, just as finishing a floor before placing a sofa, a bookshelf, or a new kitchen is not a luxury—it is a necessity.

The Brain: A House Under Construction

The building material we use to construct our brain is not made of words.

True emotional communication is not made of sentences. On a deep structural level, what we say or write does not matter.

“Sweetheart, love, you are my whole life,” are decorative elements, like paintings or tapestries that adorn a wall but do not make it stronger or more insulated.

I believe that not only news events offer plenty of evidence supporting this, but perhaps our own experience does as well. The shopkeeper who greets us saying “dear” does not truly care about us, nor does the partner who proclaims their love but does not support their words with actions make us feel deeply worthy of love, important, or special. It is similar to a house blueprint: rich in detail and brilliantly presented, it may be attractive, stimulate our imagination, and even dazzle us, but if it is not followed by actual construction, it will never meet our real housing needs.

In emotional communication, therefore, what we say does not matter as much as the tone we use, our physical posture, our facial expressions, and even more so, our behavior.

The structure of our house requires actions, not words. It needs bricks and other building materials to create walls, and these cannot be replaced by paintings or bookshelves. Emotional experience happens non-verbally through relationships.

Continuing with the metaphor of the brain as a house under construction, the material that structures our house—what consolidates and expands it—comes from the surrounding homes. As with any construction, the availability and quality of materials are crucial if the building is to be solid, functional, and welcoming.

A precious quality for our “bricks” is attunement, meaning the ability to tune into the internal state of the person we interact with and to act accordingly. This requires, first of all, interest in the other person, the ability to pay attention to them, perceive their emotional state and activity level, and respond by adjusting our behavior. This is very different from alarm reactions, in which we distance ourselves for self-protection, attacking, avoiding, or isolating ourselves from the entire context. In short, no matter what purpose a building is intended for, no matter what knowledge or wealth it aims to contain or share, the quality of its structure remains fundamental.

Let us also consider another aspect: only a well-constructed house has the material and the capacity to contribute to the construction or embellishment of adjacent homes. So if we speak of “emotional education” as the intention to make emotional experience a central objective in the process of growth, I would say that it would not only be useful but, considering our nature, necessary to include it in the school context. Time spent at school is, in fact, an incredible opportunity to offer a rich assortment of high-quality building material.

Emotional Education as a Priority at School

In every interaction, there is an unconscious exchange, an accumulation of experiences that either support or hinder health and future possibilities. Dear readers, I do not know what you think, but in my opinion:

the main task of school should be to provide the experiences necessary to support growth and health, extending and expanding those lived in the family, or compensating for them when something is lacking.

Emotional experience should be the priority of educational activity and of every teaching plan, and not left solely to the great generosity and relational skills of many teachers. Every day a child who spends time at school returns home with a set of information but also with emotional experiences that consolidate, compensate, embellish, or weaken their “construction.”

Consider how different these two scenarios could be for the student Paola: “Today at school we talked about history, I learned some geography facts, and throughout the day I felt confused, inadequate, mocked, excluded, wrong, scared, blocked, targeted.” Or: “Today at school we talked about history, I learned some geography facts, and throughout the day I felt important, welcomed, valued, part of a group, active, competent, and amused.” What an enormous difference between the two scenarios in terms of daily well-being and motivation for the future.

Conclusion

Allow me one last reflection. We truly know a great deal about how certain mechanisms work and how to promote well-being, healthy development, and the acquisition of skills essential for a fruitful and serene life. Without going too far back in time, in the 1963 episode “L’educazione sentimentale” by Dino Risi, many of the considerations we have discussed emerge brilliantly. And yet, in school and teaching, the main innovations introduced often concern non-structural aspects: small variations in how usual learning is acquired, the introduction of screens, or changes in furniture through new desks and different classroom layouts.

Who would ever think of creating a library by focusing only on the selection and organization of the books without considering the functionality and solidity of the building? Who would prioritize accumulating books in a structure that risks being unstable? Ultimately:

the scholar George Land was right: the human being is a peculiar and ambivalent creature that soils its own nest while flying to the moon.

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Claudio Mochi, MA, RP, RPT-S™ is Director of the University Master’s Program in Play Therapy at the International Academy for Play Therapy (INA), Founder and President of the Association for Play Therapy Italy (APTI). A Psychologist, Psychotherapist, and Registered Play Therapist Supervisor™. Claudio specializes in emergency interventions and disaster mental health, with over 25 years of international experience. He is the author of books, chapters, and numerous articles. He has delivered lectures and specialized training across six continents, earning recognition as a global leader in innovation, education, and the advancement of quality Play Therapy.

©2025 INA Play Therapy Press. Article n. 4 in the Series: Play is the Future

You’re welcome to share excerpts of this work with proper credit and a link back. Reproduction of the full content without written permission of the author is prohibited. This article was originally published by the online newspaper Radio Bullets on January 21, 2024. Translated by INA Play Therapy Press with permission for the Article Series: Play is the Future. https://www.radiobullets.com/rubriche/una-sana-educazione-emotiva/.